Health Advice

[Snapps]

If you can't breathe from your nose, take some flonase, because you are sick.

[Squeek]

Dudes and Dudettes. Wanna live healthy? Well, I'm perfectly healthy and I will tell you the secrets for only 5 EASY payments of 19.95 (plus shipping and handling and any other addon fees I feel like adding)

Your breakfast? Bah. Who needs breakfast?!

Your lunch should consist of two or more of the following:

Ramen Noodles
Pizzas
Hamburger / Cheeseburger
Soda

Your dinner? Simple!

Fast food.

This is my daily meal and as you can see I am perfect in every way!

Water is seriously bad for you. It's proven. If you drank pure H2O you could actually DIE! Do you want that? NO! Drink more caffeinated beverages and replenish your blood sugar.

In all honesty, whatever scientists say is healthy is essentially an impossible task. 8 glasses of water a day is utterly improbable. Everything these days causes cancer and you can die from anything. That's why you just lose interest in calories or cholesterol and eat what you want. If you're going to die from it anyway, wouldn't you rather die eating good stuff? I mean there was that episode of the Simpsons where Homer died on a piece of broccoli...twice.

So, in summary, Junk food = Good. Broccoli = Silent Killer.

~Squeek

[evilbutterfly]

my mom and i used to drink 8 glasses of water a day. she still might, idunno. i had to pee a whole lot at first, but after a while i got used to it.

oh, and another health tip: eat breakfast with protein. i cant remember why, but protein in the morning helps. ever since i started regularly eating some meat in the morning i've gotten smaller and better. yup, protein is gooood.

[Squeek]

At least my health tips are fun and possible. And I live by them. For lunch today I had 2 pizzas which accounted for "Two of the following items". I had the soda to go along with it, and will probably have another for dinner, which will actually be a burger.

But I swear I'm the healthiest person in the world. I've never gotten sick and I'm allergic to absolutely nothing.

~Squeek

[evilbutterfly]

well, being a fat cow doesnt make u sick immediately, but when you're 50 and the weight has worn down ur knees so bad that bend ur leg hurts, u'll see that my good eating advice was perfectly find and that u should have followed it

[QreepyBORIS]

Bacon is teh bezzt brukfist fud.

It's like giving your car jet fuel, except your engine doesn't explode.

And it's so freaking tasty. Pancakes are good, too.

But I usually can't decide what to eat, so I end up having nothing or milk.

[Privateer]

Don't hit yourself.

[JurseyRider734]

Don't take a fork and stab your eye with it.

[evilbutterfly]

should you find yourself impaled with a fork somehow (especially in the eye), do not remove the object that is impaling u until u have sufficient bandages to stop the bleeding that will result after it is removed. should u be in the middle of some medievil combat and the impaling object is some sort of long arrow, just break the end off and keep fighting for ur king and country. it can be removed and the hole stitched up later.