Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

[korny]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

I think you need to smoke some dmt. For real

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Yeah, I'm on skype a good deal of the time so we can always talk then. And about LPs, you should definitely do them, funnily enough LPs are the reason I was originally active on YouTube. I'm a Let's Player myself although I'm not exactly popular but it's a nice hobby to have and I've definitely found it to be a way to talk more openly to an audience, albeit indirectly. XD

I agree; I'm definitely planning to have a Let's Play in the future.

It seems to me, and feel free to tell me otherwise, like you just don't know yourself very well. You concentrate on the kind aspect of your personality, and we all see that and that's great, quite refreshing honestly, but what else do you know about yourself? Working on truly understanding your personality on a completely personal level can help influence the way you approach a conversation.

You are in a college dorm, you are surrounded by fellow students. If their door is open, stop in and say hello. Ask them a question about what they're doing and show interest in that subject. Conversations should flow naturally from there as you ask them questions so you better understand and enlighten yourself about what they are doing and include phrases that show you are understanding what it is they are saying.

From there you should have a basis of how you see yourself converse with someone. If your goal is to change that, then you can realize the issue there and take action to change it. If this is purely for revelatory purposes, then you do that as well. Small talk isn't a bad thing, but if you have a topic you and the person you are conversing with are concentrating on, the conversation will flow much more naturally. All of this coming from an introvert finally coming out of his shell.

-o24

Thank you, I'll try talking with my roommates more often. ^.^ I agree that I don't know myself very well, but what can I do to find out more about my personality? What should I focus on when either having a conversation or discovering my personality through personal means?

[andy-o24]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

I agree that I don't know myself very well, but what can I do to find out more about my personality? What should I focus on when either having a conversation or discovering my personality through personal means?

Self reflection is the best way to find out about yourself, which when typing sounds obvious, but I guess the answer is easy, it's the doing it that takes effort. For me I like to take long showers and just think about things. Take events in my past and try to understand how they have shaped me over time. I will run hypothetical conversations with people and myself through my head.

When it comes to conversations try to focus on what your stock phrases are. Actively listen and be sure to ask questions. There is no rule book or list of responses for every situation, since every situation is different and every person in those situations is different. You just kind of have to talk and try to keep a conversation going even if it is awkward and uncomfortable. That should help you learn to talk to others at the very least.

It is going to be awkward and it is going to feel weird, but the best way to overcome that is to just accept that and do it. At least that is how I feel. Like it has been said, take these things with a grain of salt.

-o24

[Emanresu13]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

keep in mind that the less familiar you are with a person, the more "awkward" and "forced" the conversation will probably feel. it's not you doing anything wrong, it's just how things are.

[MixMasterLar]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Self reflection is the best way to find out about yourself, which when typing sounds obvious, but I guess the answer is easy, it's the doing it that takes effort. For me I like to take long showers and just think about things. Take events in my past and try to understand how they have shaped me over time. I will run hypothetical conversations with people and myself through my head.

-o24

Best advice in this entire thread. I can not overstress this enough.

All I can add to this is try to get in vidchat / social situations more. Just keep putting yourself in situations where you will have to talk. It's going to feel awkward most of the time and you may have to be somewhat off-putting to some people who hate pauses---it's cool, just keep going.

If a conversation didn't go the way you wanted it/would have liked (Speaking only in terms of intimacy or flow, not content) then run it back in your head doing your off time. If you think a response on your part was awkward or bad, keep thinking about what they said and substitute something else on your behalf--try to picture how that would have affected the conversation.

But that's play-pretend if it's all you do towards the goal of communicating better with people. The most important part and the one to do the most of is just talk with people. A shit ton. Like stated, Vid chat/ the internet is a great place to do so.

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Self reflection is the best way to find out about yourself, which when typing sounds obvious, but I guess the answer is easy, it's the doing it that takes effort. For me I like to take long showers and just think about things. Take events in my past and try to understand how they have shaped me over time. I will run hypothetical conversations with people and myself through my head.

When it comes to conversations try to focus on what your stock phrases are. Actively listen and be sure to ask questions. There is no rule book or list of responses for every situation, since every situation is different and every person in those situations is different. You just kind of have to talk and try to keep a conversation going even if it is awkward and uncomfortable. That should help you learn to talk to others at the very least.

It is going to be awkward and it is going to feel weird, but the best way to overcome that is to just accept that and do it. At least that is how I feel. Like it has been said, take these things with a grain of salt.

-o24

I see; I'll try to reflect about how conversations went to see if I could have added anything or spoken in a different manner.

keep in mind that the less familiar you are with a person, the more "awkward" and "forced" the conversation will probably feel. it's not you doing anything wrong, it's just how things are.

I understand, but I would still like to show at least part of my personality through conversations with strangers. ^.^

Best advice in this entire thread. I can not overstress this enough.

All I can add to this is try to get in vidchat / social situations more. Just keep putting yourself in situations where you will have to talk. It's going to feel awkward most of the time and you may have to be somewhat off-putting to some people who hate pauses---it's cool, just keep going.

If a conversation didn't go the way you wanted it/would have liked (Speaking only in terms of intimacy or flow, not content) then run it back in your head doing your off time. If you think a response on your part was awkward or bad, keep thinking about what they said and substitute something else on your behalf--try to picture how that would have affected the conversation.

But that's play-pretend if it's all you do towards the goal of communicating better with people. The most important part and the one to do the most of is just talk with people. A shit ton. Like stated, Vid chat/ the internet is a great place to do so.

Thank you, I'll try to have more conversations and reflect on them afterwards.

[L.B.D.D]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

be urself

[andy-o24]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

We can see you are kind and nice and all that, but do you think that being socially awkward is just part of your personality and you are simply conveying a large part of yourself by not knowing what to say and when?

-o24

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

We can see you are kind and nice and all that, but do you think that being socially awkward is just part of your personality and you are simply conveying a large part of yourself by not knowing what to say and when?

-o24

Maybe, but even if that is true, I would like to show a different kind of personality than just being kind and thoughtful. ^.^

[MixMasterLar]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Maybe, but even if that is true, I would like to show a different kind of personality than just being kind and thoughtful. ^.^

Do you mean that you want to express yourself more thoroughly? Nothing wrong with that.

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Do you mean that you want to express yourself more thoroughly? Nothing wrong with that.

I agree; but I'm not sure how I would like to express another aspect of my personality when speaking in a conversation.

[andy-o24]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Tone of voice, eye contact and body language can help you produce the desired effect based upon what you want to evoke.

You seem to want an exact way in any scenario to portray a certain facet of your personality, so if you give us those facets, we can probably come up with a way to convey that in conversation.

-o24

[benguino]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

To the best of my knowledge, there still doesn't exist a machine that has passed the Turing Test, i.e. a machine that can pass off as appearing human in a text-only environment. Now, if the best programmers in the world can't even make a machine that can appear to respond to humans in a human-like way through writing, what makes you think a few people on ffr can give you precise instructions on how to behave in every kind of social situation? What separates machines from humans is our ability to use past experiences to make inferences on future experiences.

I forgot where I read this, but the last sentence I wrote is what this article I read calls the 4th and final level of intelligence. The 3rd level is where one makes a past experience and uses the outcome to determine what to do in the same kind of experience in the future. This is different in the 4th in the sense that with the 4th level, you can learn from your past experiences and make inferences, generalize, and apply what you've learned to future situations even if those future situations aren't the same as the one you've just experienced.

For example, take a robot. It tips a cup of water upside down and it all spills out. Uh-oh, but at least the robot is smart enough to now know that tipping a cup of water upside down is not a good idea. But what about a pitcher of water? Or a cup of soda? Or a pitcher of soda? Of course you would quickly infer that these would also be a bad idea to tip upside down but a robot wouldn't be able to immediately make those inferences.

Sorry for going off on such a tangent, but you have to go out there and be the human that you are. You have to put yourself out there and start making inferences on what does and doesn't work. The most important thing I can stress though is you need to learn how to read non-verbal body language and facial expressions. Being able to obtain and analyze feedback is what is crucial to improving socially.

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

To the best of my knowledge, there still doesn't exist a machine that has passed the Turing Test, i.e. a machine that can pass off as appearing human in a text-only environment. Now, if the best programmers in the world can't even make a machine that can appear to respond to humans in a human-like way through writing, what makes you think a few people on ffr can give you precise instructions on how to behave in every kind of social situation? What separates machines from humans is our ability to use past experiences to make inferences on future experiences.

I forgot where I read this, but the last sentence I wrote is what this article I read calls the 4th and final level of intelligence. The 3rd level is where one makes a past experience and uses the outcome to determine what to do in the same kind of experience in the future. This is different in the 4th in the sense that with the 4th level, you can learn from your past experiences and make inferences, generalize, and apply what you've learned to future situations even if those future situations aren't the same as the one you've just experienced.

For example, take a robot. It tips a cup of water upside down and it all spills out. Uh-oh, but at least the robot is smart enough to now know that tipping a cup of water upside down is not a good idea. But what about a pitcher of water? Or a cup of soda? Or a pitcher of soda? Of course you would quickly infer that these would also be a bad idea to tip upside down but a robot wouldn't be able to immediately make those inferences.

Sorry for going off on such a tangent, but you have to go out there and be the human that you are. You have to put yourself out there and start making inferences on what does and doesn't work. The most important thing I can stress though is you need to learn how to read non-verbal body language and facial expressions. Being able to obtain and analyze feedback is what is crucial to improving socially.

The purpose of this thread is not to improve socially though. I would like to express another faucet of my personality in conversations other than just being kind.

[MixMasterLar]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

I agree; but I'm not sure how I would like to express another aspect of my personality when speaking in a conversation.

I'm pretty sure all you need are more conversations and some experience, then. Don't over think it and just go with the flow!