Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

[Pseudo Enigma]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Hmm, well then don't actively do it. Try putting yourself around different people (yeah I said make some new friends! Awesome!) and see if you change in a good way. You might be able to start acting more spontaneous if you put yourself around people who accept that in you more so than your current friends (since it sounds like you might be having a problem with it.)

ie. move out of your comfort zone a bit more.

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Hmm, well then don't actively do it. Try putting yourself around different people (yeah I said make some new friends! Awesome!) and see if you change in a good way. You might be able to start acting more spontaneous if you put yourself around people who accept that in you more so than your current friends (since it sounds like you might be having a problem with it.)

ie. move out of your comfort zone a bit more.

Thank you, I'll try that. I don't have any friends who I see regularly though, so hopefully I'll be able to develop a good friendship with at least one person on campus.

However, I don't think that'll help develop my own personality very much. D:

[benguino]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

People who fill dead air with "yeah well" and "like" and "fuckin" and "umm" fill me with rage.

So what is the best way to fill dead air?

[Litodude]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgmSw-T6Qs4

[devonin]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

So what is the best way to fill dead air?

What makes you think it needs to be filled?

[Emanresu13]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

do anything anyhow you want

talk to people, don't, be silent and stare, at them, the floor, say umm, do whatever, it doesn't matter

you're cool and fine the way you are, and you can change yourself or not, just roll with what life gives you

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

do anything anyhow you want

talk to people, don't, be silent and stare, at them, the floor, say umm, do whatever, it doesn't matter

you're cool and fine the way you are, and you can change yourself or not, just roll with what life gives you

Thank you, I agree. I'll try to be myself. ^.^

[XelNya]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

I would love to talk with people daily, but right now I live in a college dorm where my roommates usually don't talk with me other then saying short greetings. My best friend went to another college, so right now I don't have anyone I talk with regularly. Hopefully I'll be able to make at least one good friend soon.

This depends. You do have an entire internet to communicate with in place till you can find some good friends in person.

The internet while not a permanent substitute is a great place to do this, assuming you can find the right people. I'd be so socially withdrawn if the internet was not here. Even then though I'm still extremely confused myself about a lot of social norms and such.

And I understand you might feel it's not the same, with video feeds and microphones it doesn't change the main way you can communicate. It's pretty much like interactions with people in a game with a handicap of sorts? hard to explain this without sounding like a douche.

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

This depends. You do have an entire internet to communicate with in place till you can find some good friends in person.

The internet while not a permanent substitute is a great place to do this, assuming you can find the right people. I'd be so socially withdrawn if the internet was not here. Even then though I'm still extremely confused myself about a lot of social norms and such.

And I understand you might feel it's not the same, with video feeds and microphones it doesn't change the main way you can communicate. It's pretty much like interactions with people in a game with a handicap of sorts? hard to explain this without sounding like a douche.

Yeah, the internet is a good way to open up and be yourself. However I almost never use phone calls or video chat online, so it can't be considered sufficient practice for conversations. >.<

[MracY]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

@MracY, how is what I said shallow nonsense? This thread is supposed to be giving practical advice in conversation skills...which is damned hard to accomplish in an internet forum rather than in person I might add.

What you said is shallow nonsense because small talk is just a pretence in which you destroy your personality.
It only aids in conversation on a practical level. It's not something to be given as advice to someone struggling in conversation.

I don't want to go in-depth about what makes a personality. But if you want to, you can think deeply about that yourself and then look at your post.
You should quickly see what's wrong with it.

[XelNya]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

However I almost never use phone calls or video chat online

Then use it more I know you can :3

[_Fluttershy_]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

I can definitely relate to what you've noted here. I'm a terribly introverted person in real life and it is something I'm trying desperately hard to work on. I usually go into a shell and just hide my true personality although I would love to express myself more. I'd love to help but I'm pretty similar to you so not sure I could offer any truly helpful advice. But you've always came across as a nice person from what I've seen and I would definitely like to talk to you more than I do heh.
Also yeah, I agree that talking over the internet supplies confidence. Thanks to the people I've met and talked to over FFR and YouTube I have been able to reach out and talk to people more openly and confidently. The thing about people over the internet is they tend to share an interest with you so it's easier to converse with them. But yeah, talking over the internet can actually aid you in your social endeavours. At least it's gradually starting to help me! XP

[drizzleRomanceGirl]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

I can definitely relate to what you've noted here. I'm a terribly introverted person in real life and it is something I'm trying desperately hard to work on. I usually go into a shell and just hide my true personality although I would love to express myself more. I'd love to help but I'm pretty similar to you so not sure I could offer any truly helpful advice. But you've always came across as a nice person from what I've seen and I would definitely like to talk to you more than I do heh.
Also yeah, I agree that talking over the internet supplies confidence. Thanks to the people I've met and talked to over FFR and YouTube I have been able to reach out and talk to people more openly and confidently. The thing about people over the internet is they tend to share an interest with you so it's easier to converse with them. But yeah, talking over the internet can actually aid you in your social endeavours. At least it's gradually starting to help me! XP

Thank you very much! I also think the internet helps me open up my personality, and I would love to talk with you more too. I've been thinking of eventually doing a "Let's Play" on youtube, but it probably won't be for a little awhile. ^.^ Maybe that'll help me to open up my personality.

[_Fluttershy_]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

Thank you very much! I also think the internet helps me open up my personality, and I would love to talk with you more too. I've been thinking of eventually doing a "Let's Play" on youtube, but it probably won't be for a little awhile. ^.^ Maybe that'll help me to open up my personality.

Yeah, I'm on skype a good deal of the time so we can always talk then. And about LPs, you should definitely do them, funnily enough LPs are the reason I was originally active on YouTube. I'm a Let's Player myself although I'm not exactly popular but it's a nice hobby to have and I've definitely found it to be a way to talk more openly to an audience, albeit indirectly. XD

[andy-o24]

Re: Help with Understanding How I would Respond in Any Given Conversation

It seems to me, and feel free to tell me otherwise, like you just don't know yourself very well. You concentrate on the kind aspect of your personality, and we all see that and that's great, quite refreshing honestly, but what else do you know about yourself? Working on truly understanding your personality on a completely personal level can help influence the way you approach a conversation.

You are in a college dorm, you are surrounded by fellow students. If their door is open, stop in and say hello. Ask them a question about what they're doing and show interest in that subject. Conversations should flow naturally from there as you ask them questions so you better understand and enlighten yourself about what they are doing and include phrases that show you are understanding what it is they are saying.

From there you should have a basis of how you see yourself converse with someone. If your goal is to change that, then you can realize the issue there and take action to change it. If this is purely for revelatory purposes, then you do that as well. Small talk isn't a bad thing, but if you have a topic you and the person you are conversing with are concentrating on, the conversation will flow much more naturally. All of this coming from an introvert finally coming out of his shell.

-o24