Tell me your life story.

[moches]

Re: Tell me your life story.

awwww, Aaron <3 <3 we're here to listen.

[MarioNintendo]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Alright I have to say something. I'd want to post my life, but I've had such an easy life so far that I feel it'd be out of place. I feel bad for having had it easy compared to you all, and it makes me feel even worse about myself, holy fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me ugh.

[moches]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Alright I have to say something. I'd want to post my life, but I've had such an easy life so far that I feel it'd be out of place. I feel bad for having had it easy compared to you all, and it makes me feel even worse about myself, holy fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me ugh.

no, don't feel that way !! this is a place for everybody to come together and share our feelings and experiences. nobody's story is any more or less valid than another's.

i would love to read about your life if you'd like to share it.

[MarioNintendo]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Well what the hell, here goes.

Born in 1993 from a young loving couple, had a nice childhood from what I can remember. My brother joined in when I was 3 and he made me hate him because my parents were always after him, taking care of him, while I still felt like I needed more of their attention. I went to kindergarten, where I met a guy I still talk to to this day. Because of that, going to school was a piece of cake for me and I was doing really great. Fast forward to my 11th grade (or 12th? (is that how you call them guys? here we called it "secondaire 5")), I was one of the kids with the best grades in my classes and I studied the less. I was full of enthusiasm and of hope about everything and I had so much imagination, wow.

Oh, there is one thing that sucked for me I guess, from secondaire 2 to secondaire 5, I was desperately looking for a girlfriend, not to feel less alone, but because I really needed to know how it felt like to be physically and mentally close to someone other than your family. I used to respect girls so much (fuck I still do) that, while I was great at talking with them naturally, I couldn't get close to them or say put my arm around them. I was so stiff. I think I liked close to 30 girls during those years, and none of them gave me what I wanted rofl. I hold a personal diary and I do remember writing from time to time something like "there we go. I found an interesting girl. She's really pretty and really smart, but I guess it's just the beginning of my cycle. See you next month, I feel my heart will already be broken". And then, the next month, indeed, I'd start with something like "Well there you have it. She broke my heart. She went with another guy. Now I'm alone again."

Yeah that was probably the suckiest time of my life. Not because of poverty or death or divorce or anything else, but mostly because I was having a teenage crisis and I felt even worse about it because a) the only people I felt confident to tell them about this situation were the very girls I was hunting, which made them stay away from me and b) I didn't feel I had the right to cry because it seemed like such a meagre problem compared to other problems my friends had, I felt like it would be doing them a disrespect to ask them to "lift me up" in my situation. So I just let that pain grow inside of me and in spite of being a truly talented, blessed fellow, not addicted to drugs/alcohol, not living death from the people I adored, had plenty of money to fulfill his desires, I just felt super alone and gritty and just very cynical.

One of my childhood friends who had been in love with me for a while got herself a boyfriend. It made me realize how pretty she was. So I started seeing her more often, and she fell in love with me again. One night, when her boyfriend wasn't there, she kissed me. It was the first time I ever kissed a girl. I was super happy, but now I feel rather bad about it. It almost destroyed her couple and she had to stay away from me until she felt stronger. This took me by surprise because it was the first time I was in a middle of a love situation, compared to being the usual neutral guy who would fix other people's problems in the past.

I then had my birthday the next year. Now being completely hopeless, I just tried stuff I wouldn't have done before like holding hands when she didn't see it coming or talk more abruptly. idk. being more of a brute. I guess it worked. I had this girl who looked smart and pretty and gave nice hugs which I found cute, I invited her to my house to bake cookies and study for our exam which was next week. And then we just started liking each other and kissing that very same day and we were now a couple, something I really hadn't predicted. I initially felt bad about it, because I still had so many girls in my mind, but now I feel good because I realized that each and everyone of those girls were chosen by me because somehow I thought they'd break me apart someday.

Sex at first was really really hard and made me lose confidence in myself. It took me a year and a half to get good at it. I almost lost my girlfriend 3 times because of it. I felt so ridiculed, you have no idea.

I've been two years with her and I love her to death. Sometimes we have our disagreements, but we're both very intellectual, so we are able to admit when one is right or wrong after cooling off. Right now, she's in Cuba. I hope she doesn't die there. I didn't go because I spent too much money on video games and now I have to save my money for my studies (but don't tell her that).

Yesterday I felt pretty bad, but I guess it's because it was late and I was tired. I talked to Godnick in chat and it made me feel better.

To tell the truth, in case some people realized I post less and am less active around these parts of FFR, it's because I feel like the weird/crazy/shoutout guy again, and I hate to be seen as that guy. There's one mindset that I've always had, and it's that "people don't realize that clowns are the people who should cry the most". I need your support. When I step something, I need people to tell me it's awesome over and over again, even if I act like I've had enough. When I post, I need people to quote me or to do whatever. It's selfish, but it's something I need desperately. When I try something funny, I really need people to tell me how they reacted. I'm the "need feedback" guy. And it's so hard to say it because I'm basically begging for your attention, when all I went is to acquire your attention in a true, real natural "not cheating" way.

[Arkuski]

Re: Tell me your life story.

To tell the truth, in case some people realized I post less and am less active around these parts of FFR, it's because I feel like the weird/crazy/shoutout guy again, and I hate to be seen as that guy. There's one mindset that I've always had, and it's that "people don't realize that clowns are the people who should cry the most". I need your support. When I step something, I need people to tell me it's awesome over and over again, even if I act like I've had enough. When I post, I need people to quote me or to do whatever. It's selfish, but it's something I need desperately. When I try something funny, I really need people to tell me how they reacted. I'm the "need feedback" guy. And it's so hard to say it because I'm basically begging for your attention, when all I went is to acquire your attention in a true, real natural "not cheating" way.

[Reincarnate]

Re: Tell me your life story.

When I post, I need people to quote me or to do whatever.

Quotin' you now, biyatch!

[MarioNintendo]

Re: Tell me your life story.

And it's so hard to say it because I'm basically begging for your attention, when all I went is to acquire your attention in a true, real natural "not cheating" way.

Now quoting myself!

[mi40]

Re: Tell me your life story.

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[devonin]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Man...this would be a horrible idea. Can't do it.

[MarioNintendo]

Re: Tell me your life story.

I'd write something up, but I'm terrible at telling a story.

Geez, at this point, seriously, who cares about whether or not it's well told. Just get it out. If you need help, open the song Epitaph from King Crimson on Youtube while you write. It'll pull the words out for you. At least, that's what I did!

[Arch0wl]

Re: Tell me your life story.

I pretty much looked like a Hitleresque psychopath midway through my story so I don't think anyone else has much to worry about

[devonin]

Re: Tell me your life story.

There's a difference between being an asshole and being a freak. Part of being an asshole is not caring if other people think you're an asshole.

[tosh]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Didn't mean to write this much lmao.

August 1991: Born with tube wrapped around my neck.

Birth - 1994: Didn't say my first words until I was 3 (first hint of a possible ASD). Started normal speech shortly after being hit in the head with an errant soccer ball.

August 1995: Entered pre-school. Don't really remember anything from pre-school, so I'll assume it was normal.

August 1997: Entered kindergarten. Easily impressionable kid who got "in trouble" daily for leaning back on my chair. First time in a long-term group setting with more than 5 other people. Terrible at coloring.

1998 - 2000: My talkative stage (first through third grade). Not necessarily out of a need to socialize, but just because I didn't know how keep my thoughts inside. Start of my regular gaming was buying a PlayStation in December 1998. Was really into Pokemon for about 2 years - would say 'Pikachu' like it was a verbal tic. A close family friend dying brought a quick end to that.

2001: Started to quiet down. I remember one time flipping shit for receiving a low grade on an assignment because there was no explanation on what we were supposed to do.

2002: Started listening to mainstream hip-hop because the new kid in class was always talking about it.

2003: Had the flu for the entire month of February. top moved to town in the latter half of the year.

2004 - 2005: First time that sexual attraction ever passed my mind. Discovered the internet at this time. Still mostly normal aside from really not wanting to play football (and being forced to due to it being part of our P.E. class).

2006: Pretty much the beginnings of my current self. Started posting on the GameSpot forums under the name 'ff7fan2'. In March I started re-watching anime and was shown FFR. Started delving into EDM when top and I were messing around trying to see who could live the longest on EHHS. In other words, DJ Sharpnel is directly responsible for my current musical tastes.

2007 - Early 2009: School, hanging out with top, and wanting to start college in order to get away from my hometown.

Late 2009 - 2010: Senior year of high school. Put SM/FFR on hiatus for awhile. Kinda stopped hanging out with top in order to build relations with my classmates. Realized how much of a dick move that was when I got shitfaced at a party in July 2010 and he was the one who drove me home. After that I started getting headaches from alcohol, so now I just stay away from it.

August 2010: Started college. Quickly found out that the social scene in college is no different than high school. Dorm floor was full of loud and obnoxious douches save for my roommate. Thank god for that. Don't talk to him much, but he's one of the few people for which I hold a favorable opinion.

August 2011: Switched from Computer Science to Psychology (focus on Biopsychology). Later found out that I pretty much only enjoy psychology when it pertains to myself and/or when it is abnormal. Also, writing papers is the bane of my existence.

January 2013: Switched from Psychology to Accounting. Still no ultimate goal in mind, but taxes sounds pretty fun. My grades the past year or so haven't been too great, but that's because I've been a lazy of piece of shit. Took this summer off from classes in order to get my priorities back on track. Have high hopes for this upcoming semester.

Parents divorced in May 2006. Mom easily won custody of myself and my sister. Forced to work at the family farm (dad's side) in the summer of 2006 when my mom and sister took a trip to Europe. That job is the sole reason for my social anxiety. An already quiet teenager working with loud people speaking only insults doesn't yield very great results. Being new + being the manager's son made me a target for those insults.

Joined the Team Blaze Skype chat in December 2012. First time that I encountered a group of people that I enjoyed talking with in real time. You guys are pretty gr9. J'sayin.

I am terrible at keeping regular contact with anyone. I pretty much never think "oh I wonder how so and so is doing." Even though I had a high school graduating class of 9 people, I haven't seen or talked to any of them in over a year. A few I haven't heard from since graduation (3 years ago).

Growing up, I didn't think too highly of my dad. All the way until I was 20, I thought of us as polar opposites. In the past couple of years, that opinion has slowly been changing. Now I feel that I share more similarities with him than anyone else I've ever met. The short heart-to-heart we had about a week and a half ago reinforces this belief.

Oh, forgot to mention my older brother throughout this thing. He has played a huge role in me discovering my interests.

[PaperclipGames]

Re: Tell me your life story.

I feel like I should read everyone's posts properly before I post my own; otherwise it just doesn't feel right.

However, this means I probably will never post my story here.

Which, secretly, I'm quite glad about.

While I like the thread and its intentions, it is difficult for me to grasp how you guys feel comfortable sharing your life stories like that, on a public board. There are some things, at least in my case, that not only would be really awkward, but potentially dangerous to post here, and which I've told only one person at this point in time. Do you all have such a big trust in this community?

[mi40]

Re: Tell me your life story.

what are people gonna do lol

nobody gonna fly over to berkeley and shank me