Tell me your life story.

[Arch0wl]

Re: Tell me your life story.

@ExExZero. Your stress is how anyone would be under those circumstances, although try not to over-diagnose yourself because you'll lean on the labels. Anyway, you can go to the "FFR Facebook Collective" page and find my profile there; friend me if you need someone to talk to.

[EzExZeRo7497]

Re: Tell me your life story.

@ExExZero. Your stress is how anyone would be under those circumstances, although try not to over-diagnose yourself because you'll lean on the labels. Anyway, you can go to the "FFR Facebook Collective" page and find my profile there; friend me if you need someone to talk to.

The autism label has been something that's probably going to be true either way. Many of my teachers (along with my parents) have said that I've been very aloof and it definitely is beyond introversion. They have seen me mix around with people but was never able to and I think it's pretty true as well. I just feel... different.

[mi40]

Re: Tell me your life story.

sometimes when you're depressed and have anxiety disorders the best thing to do is fill your head with so many things that you don't even have time to think about anything besides school & taking a shit & more studying

sounds dumb but when it does work, it's awesome

i feel like a lot of ffr/sm peeps who claim to have or have anxiety disorders or depression seem to have either a LOT of free time or NO free time

i've seen a TON on this site for some reason, i don't know that many people with depression and such irl

i think if you have a LOT of free time, fill it up with meaningful & productive things (even boring shit like studying), it'll really help you keep your head clear and give you a GOAL, short term and long term

if you have NO free time, free some up for basic hobbies

[rCaliberGX]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Reading this thread is both fascinating and depressing.

The former because I get to see the cause and effect of events and actions in people's lives and how they shaped the personality they currently have.

The latter because I read all the negative life changing events that they've experienced and how something that will affect me on that scale will inevitably happen to me.

In both ways I can learn from reading this thread, because I'm currently at an age (13) where these things can't happen yet.

that said this is an amazing thread, i may or may not write something later

[kommisar]

Re: Tell me your life story.

sometimes when you're depressed and have anxiety disorders the best thing to do is fill your head with so many things that you don't even have time to think about anything besides school & taking a shit & more studying

sounds dumb but when it does work, it's awesome

i feel like a lot of ffr/sm peeps who claim to have or have anxiety disorders or depression seem to have either a LOT of free time or NO free time

i've seen a TON on this site for some reason, i don't know that many people with depression and such irl

i think if you have a LOT of free time, fill it up with meaningful & productive things (even boring shit like studying), it'll really help you keep your head clear and give you a GOAL, short term and long term

if you have NO free time, free some up for basic hobbies

I can totally vouch for this. Often when I would get depressed is because I would over-think everything. Just gotta keep yourself busy and productive. Composing music is probably one of the best hobbies I could've picked up (EVEN STEPMANIA WOAH).

My brother is autistic and is 10 year old now. I'm really curious to see how he'll end up. He's already pretty amazing and dancing choreography.

[leonid]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Born in South Korea

I was awful as a kid, and caused some troubles in kindergarten and elementary school.

Started using computers at the age of 5.
Started using the internet at the age of 8.
Started rhythm game (BM98) at the age of 9.
Started rubik's cube at the age of 12.

Did fairly well at middle school, but failed really hard at the entrance exam for a highschool I wanted to be in
Lucked out and got in anyway

Did basically nothing at the highschool. Had nothing interesting to show off.
Lucked out and got in the university I wanted anyway.
My parents could fund me through the entire university life.

Took many interviews and failed. My resume was blank as well.
Lucked out and got the job I wanted anyway.

My entire life has been basically a huge luckfest.
I don't deserve any of my current statuses, but people around me somehow think I do.

Luck and absolute pitch are my only talents. I'm useless in anything else, ever.

[Arch0wl]

Re: Tell me your life story.

The autism label has been something that's probably going to be true either way. Many of my teachers (along with my parents) have said that I've been very aloof and it definitely is beyond introversion. They have seen me mix around with people but was never able to and I think it's pretty true as well. I just feel... different.

If you strongly believe you have some form of autism, Reach can serve as a bridge before you go to a psychiatrist and claim you have it. Try hitting him up. He majored in neuro, but I've known people with MAs in psych who know less than he does on that subject.

[Arch0wl]

Re: Tell me your life story.

this thread has made me realize that I could probably write a memoir about my time in this scene if I wanted to

the post I just made is 3750 words, which is huge for an ffr post, and I felt like I had only covered a fraction of shit when I was done. I was tempted to go back and edit in even more shit but it would have knocked it to the 5,000-10,000 range, and memoir length is like 70k

[Reincarnate]

Re: Tell me your life story.

you're still insane at math right?

do banking

I had to log in just to respond to this -- but this is totally off. You don't have to be good at math at *all* to go into banking. Banking is where brains honestly go to die. Go quant instead.

[Xx{Fallen}xX]

Re: Tell me your life story.

This thread is awesome, lets see how i do.

I was born in New York City in 1991, my mom got pregnant as a teenager and had me at a very young age. My grandmother was very strict back then and she kicked my mother out when she found out my mother got pregnant. My father was also very young and didnt want to have anything to do with a baby. I was born while my mom was homeless and we lived liked that for a year or so. My mom was in a previous relationship with someone named Dennis before my father and she decided to call him one day. Its a good thing she did because he still loved my mother and had us move in with him. We became a family and Dennis became my dad, after a couple years they got married and had my little brother (who also plays ffr a little :3)

While my mother was with my father, Dennis also had a child during that time, but his sister convniced him that he couldnt fully support that child and she eneded up taking care of him and becoming his legal guardian, so even though he was my older brother, he wasnt in my life when Dennis and my mother got married.

So when i was around 3 my parents decided to move out of the city and ended up in a farm in upstate NY. My mom worked for the photo studio that used to be in walmart, they gave her the choice of a promotion if she were to move to Utah, so we moved to Utah when i was 4. My parents really didnt like it there and ended up moving back to NY when i was 6. It was then that my mother started working for People's Bank as a teller. It wasnt long after that that her job gave her the same choice as her previous job did, only this time it was in Connecticut.

So we moved to Connecticut this time, this is where i spent the majority of my childhood. People's Bank ended up merging with Bank of America so thats who she worked for then, my stepdad (Dennis) did some oddjobs here and there while all this was going on. The four of us (my mom, stepdad, my little brother and myself,) lived in Connecticut for 6 years. My parents now wanted to move somewhere where the cost of living was cheaper and if they were going to move again they thought it would be best to go all out. So they chose Florida.

I was in 8th grade when we moved to Florida, my mom got a transfer so she still worked for BoA (Bank of America) and we lived in florida for 2 years before BoA decided to offer my mom a huge promotion if she were to move to NY, so off we go again, back to New York. This time we moved to the westchester county 20 min away from New York City.

I was at the end of 9th grade when we moved back to NY, it was here that i made some of the best friends i will ever know. Xx{Midday}xX was one of the first friends i made in the new school and we are still great friends to this day It was then that he showed me wonders of FFR. During my time there in NY my mom was working very hard and climbed the corporate ladder, eventually she was offered another deal. This time is was a promotion if she were to move to Texas. I was in my senior year of highschool at the time and my mom decided to move again. This move was the hardest one for me, since i had made such great friends and wanted to graduate with them.

So now my my mother was the Senior Vice President for Bank of America and we lived in Plano, Texas. I finished my senior year here and got accepted to a college on the other side of Texas, I needed a school that offered Veterinary programs so my choices were very limited. The school was a 12 hours away by car and 25 hours away by train, i mostly took the train to go between home and school, i didnt mind making the trip on train. So i went to college for 2 years but i was having a lot of financial problems because i still wasnt a resident of Texas yet, meaning i had to pay out of state tuition. There is also a law in Texas that says that you cant go to another school if you have debt from another. I have a substantial debt to the college i went to and i cant finish school until i pay that off. But i found a solution to the problem, while i was going to college my parents moved to florida, if i were to move to Florida with them i could go to school there and work while i pay off my debt to the school in Texas.

This were i am in life now, i just hope i can pay off the debt i owe, finish school and live happily ever after :3

[GammaBlaster]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Jan 14 1998 - I was born

2002 - I went to preschool for 3 months, then got moved to some kind of English class because I knew very little English (I knew more of my native tongue); I was also very socially awkward and always have been

2004 - Got out of...English class and started Primary School without going to Kindergarden at all. Developed anger issues, too. If I was told "go away", I'd get mad. Managed to establish a very small circle of friends, even though I was a Year (Grade for you Americans) higher than them, which was not good for my first year of high school. Also started to learn the piano this year. Didn't improve until my 4th year of playing the instrument.

2006 - Got Internet access for the first time. Played a lot of Sonic fangames and various flash games (Miniclip, Crazymonkeygames etc.). Started playing RuneScape and DragonFable.

2007 - Stopped playing RuneScape, but continued playing DragonFable. Found out about Club Penguin and signed up for it under Cleaner88. Became really interested in computer malware after coming across the video "Spyware Rubbernecking".

2008 - I performed Fur Elise (really despise that piece now thanks to overhearing) in a school talent contest. I won a trophy. I was really surprised of myself. I also started playing StepMania. I used a spread setup as soon as I started, because I never liked the one-handed/three-finger style of play. However, I played one-handed spread for half a year before switching to seperate hands. I didn't use CMods for the first year because of my SMFreak influence (he despised CMods).

2009 - Appared on the Internet as Cleaner88HPi (dumb moniker I used because I couldn't think of anything else when I first signed up for Club Penguin in 2007; HPi is really just an arbitrary part of my old moniker). I started stepping and submitting to a few packs. Received a lot of infamy because most were terribly executed vibrating files/resteps; that infamy died out by 2011. Couldn't take criticism. Eventually developed this "WORST SIMFILE EVAR" mentality which I got over after a "brutal" event in 2010.

2010 - Overcame anger issues and started high school. First year was terrible for me since I got bullied by...girls (kept getting called rapist/pedophile (it's hebephile you fools)), and the only friend I had who was the in the same Year as me betrayed me and called a "stalker" in front of all of his douchebag friends. There was this one girl who took it too far and I couldn't use self-defense because of the double standards that applied. I also acted like an idiot back in KBO. When FFR came back, I didn't have the will to post anything at all. I also despised most of the community at the time (elitism was really fucking strong back then). I got rightfully brutally criticised by Rog for making a shitty joke file (take a guess what it is). I stopped playing piano. Overall, a shit year. One good thing that happened was that I managed to play StepMania with a projector on, which redeemed me from the whole "rapist/stalker/"pedophile"" deal, at the expense of receiving hundreds of fingering and virginity jokes. At the end of the year, however, my simfiling capabilites got better. I tried to surprise people by the next HSMP (12), except that pack got left in the dust by the time it was finally released in 2012.

2011 - Changed my moniker to GammaBlaster. Shit for the first 4 months (almost every circle of friends ditched me during this timeframe), then it got better and better. The one circle of friends finally stop ditching me and gave me a chance. Also, during the time I got ditched constantly, I started to play RuneScape again just for nostalgia. My god, the game changed so much, but I also met a great group of friends who I talked to almost all the time in a clan chat (TehNoobShow) that helped me ease through the first 4 months, and I still talk to my RS mates to this day. By the second half of the year, we all got into a computing class with a teacher that was unable to control the class; we all played Halo CE through the school's LAN. So much fun. Also showed off StepMania and played I Just Had Sex stepped by IcyWorld. Got a shitload of virginity jokes again. Club Penguin deletes my account for inactivity.

2012 - I started playing the piano again. I also saw that the SM community finally snapped out of the elitism bullshit so I opened up a bit and submitted a few files to a couple of packs. They ended up being left in the dust, just like my HSMP12 files. Stopped playing RuneScape after losing motivation to get 77 Dungeoneering for Rigour.

2013 - Started playing FFR lol

I could write more, but I can't be bothered so eh

[SC_coolguy44]

Re: Tell me your life story.

So here's the story of my life:

On October 5, 1991, I was born in Oakville, ON (Canada).
When I was ~5yo, I was diagnosed with HFA (High Functioning Autism).
A lot of my life, I had really struggled socially because I was shy and not really good at starting conversations (better at it when i was younger than I was now).
When I was 14~ yo, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. This really changed my life because it prevented me from doing things other people are able to do (ie. drive a car)(which is related to the career I want to go into (automotive repair). Now that most shops require the mechanic to have a driver's license, I don't really know if I can go into that field because of liability reasons.
In 2010, I graduated high school, but I went back for an extra year so I could do a field placement in an auto shop.
In 2011, just under two months before I turned 20, I had moved for the first time.
Just a few weeks after that, I had started college. I was studying automotive repair.
About a year later, I asked my first girl out, but she rejected me and I didn't really know what to do from there, and I am still clueless.
A couple months ago, I finally decided it was time for me to drop out of college because I was just wasting my money on classes that I was always failing and I honestly wasn't learning anything from the way the professors taught the material to the entire class in a hands-on program.
This month, I have gotten accepted at a volunteer placement at a centre for children who are underprivileged and have to go under the care of someone else. What I will be doing there when I start next month is clean the toys that the kids play with.
Also, as of right now I'm still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life. I know I want to fix cars, but if I'm unable to because of safety and liability reasons, I have to think of a backup plan fast.

[Samwais]

Re: Tell me your life story.

I will definitely contribute later. You will get to hear the story of a long-time forum stalker ;w;

And top, all the props in the world for making this thread. This is a wonderful thing.

[moches]

Re: Tell me your life story.

I WAS GOING TO DO WORK TODAY.

but here goes. also this is not-yet-finished but hopefully still informative!

I was born May 24, 1995 to two Korean immigrants in Monterey Park, a stone's throw from Los Angeles. My sister (who has a LOT to do with my life) was almost two. My father was in the middle of studying for a PhD, a supposed five-year process that ended up taking something more like fifteen; in the meantime, my mom was working to support him.

Truth be told, I don't remember a lot from my childhood, so a few stories...

My parents tell me that once I ran across a highway and managed to survive. I didn't know it was dangerous at the time. I also jumped into a fake lake at a restaurant, forcing my dad to jump into the water. With his suit on. Whatever other faults my parents have, I owe them for my life.

My first memory is of vomiting my PB&J and grape juice back into my teacher's wastebasket at preschool; apparently it didn't go down well. I still can't stomach that combo. And I still hate white bread. The teachers also told my parents (or so my parents tell me) to enter me into a private school, since my intelligence was above-average or whatevs. My mom wanted to, but my dad worried I wouldn't get proper social interaction and kept me in the public school system.

My elementary school was Marengo, a school of 600-something kids in the suburban paradise of South Pasadena, California. Again, not too far from LA. I got just about all of the social interaction I needed here. And by that I mostly mean that the other kids shat on me since I was in English Language Development, and once my after-school's head counselor humiliated me in front of the entire camp when he found out I had relieved myself in the bushes in front of Marengo while waiting for his bus. I searched for his Yelp page a few months back, and apparently this sort of behavior is a recurring feature: no less than three one-star reviews, all from different parents. Didn't make it any less traumatic when it happened.

There was this other time when the guys in my 3rd grade class were passing around a stupid joke, the one about adding "it" to the end of every phrase. (Spoiler alert: the librarian says "sh--it." Hardee har-har.) Of course it's fine when they share it among themselves, but the moment I tried to share the joke with somebody else, they told the teacher about the dirty joke I was sharing. That basically sums up most of my elementary experience.

Family life, while better, was...frankly kind of awful. It was tied to my dad's church life, since he was a senior pastor, and that meant my behavior got put under the microscope of an entire church. Oftentimes he'd smile tightly while I ran about with the other kids, and then later at home he would beat me and my sister while yelling about the awful things we did. He also tried to get me to drink milk because he wanted me to grow taller (even today, I'm only 5'6"); every day after school he would pour me a tall glass and tell me to drink it in ten seconds, brandishing a wooden spatula he'd use to beat me if I didn't comply. Even the smell of milk makes me throw up, but I held my nose and gulped all of it down.

There were cartoon characters on those glasses. Tweety. And I think the Roadrunner, too.

I also learned what my penis does when I rubbed it for too long. Notably, this was to a cartoon superhero. So the evidence suggests I may have been gay/bisexual from the beginning.

When I look back on this period of my life, there were a few things going on. First of all, I began to see myself as a natural outsider--this made me anxious about social situations, obviously. This is also where I developed a lifelong habit of sticking up for bullying victims. Seriously, FUCK bullies. Second of all, I began falling into negative cycles of behavior where I would be too clingy to anybody who was new or nice to me and end up driving even more people away. Most importantly, I developed a lifelong need for affection in every sense of the word: even now, remarks or gestures that other people would shrug off feel like they cut to my bone. I still sleep with stuffed animals. I'm more openly touchy-feely with my emotions and I HATE giving criticism or being a dick more than anything. It's not a pleasant feeling or a healthy pattern of behavior, but I still struggle to step out of it.

Especially because, well, it's actually beneficial in some ways. In a perverse turn of events, being the target of so much underhanded shit opened me up to my sense of empathy, which I consider to be my strongest point. It also made me more friendly and positive (to escape my dad's wrath and to make friends).

I also started playing Stepmania when I was seven. For the sake of brevity since this is already long as shit, here's a column about that side of things. I'll mostly keep this autobiography to non-Stepmania stuff.

Things started getting better in fifth grade. We started having Knowledge Bowl events, where I found out I was actually pretty smart with math and knew a lot more trivia than most other kids my age. I also developed a strange obsession with ocean liners after watching Titanic and have a relatively extensive knowledge of them to this very day. I also met Ryan, possibly my best friend ever, just because we were seated together and clicked. Before I met him, I thought he was a judgmental snob, but as it turns out he is one of the sweetest souls you could ever meet.

Middle school was pretty awesome. Did math team, met one of the most influential teachers of my life. Found out about the school library and tried to read 50 books in a year (made it to 47, for what it's worth). Became friends with the math team peeps and everybody in Ryan's circle, which is...a lot of awesome people. Yay!

I also jerked off a lot.

All was to change very soon, though. Remember how my dad was in America to study and stuff? Apparently he took fifteen years to do five years' work (less because he was lazy or anything, more because raising kids is serious business), and he finally got a job in Korea with his shining new PhD in 2007, right around when I was in seventh grade. And we had to move to stay with him.

I mean, I could have chosen to stay with any of our family friends, but...at the end of the day, family's family. I don't know. Sometimes I wake up and I want to run away, sometimes I look at my mom and remember everything she's done for me.

Yeah, actually, let me digress a little bit to talk about my family.

The man of the house is kind of a fundamentalist Christian. Hardcore supporter of the Korean Republican Party and basically has beliefs in line with everything the American GOP believes, which has only become a problem for me recently. Spent most of his life physically beating me and has now mostly resorted to verbal warfire. Despite this, he's humorous, occasionally warm, and more affectionate than he lets on. And to be fair, if I were a former Marxist who was arrested by his government, subjected to three years of military service--basically torture--and almost murdered during my tenure, I think I probably would have turned out the same way. This is a complicated story, but I try to forgive him for as much as I can and try to be the bigger person about the rest.

My mother is one of the most beautiful people I know, but sometimes I look at how damaged she is emotionally. She went through more married to my dad than I can really expound on here, and sometimes I feel like she's still trapped.

My sister...wow. She's probably affected me most directly. But I don't feel like writing anymore right now, so I'll stop for today. Part two for tomorrow.

[NeoMasterPie]

Re: Tell me your life story.

Moches your writing is really something else
I have trouble putting my personal experiences into words although I think part of that is that I want to forget most of them