Step 1: Decide on a game clone that's been over and done to death. Bonus points if it's a genre that was never fun anyway.
Step 2: Steal those sprites! Why put work into graphics when you can just use Mario? Everyone likes Mario, right?
Step 3: Use generic stolen sound effects. The more grating, the better. If they don't even make sense in context, BONUS POINTS!
Step 4: Why put effort into music when you can just use pre-existing music? Bonus points if it's the same music everyone else uses. Bonus bonus points if it was never good in the first place. Bonus bonus bonus points for recordings of recordings!
Step 5: Don't finish your game. Release it unfinished! Game-breaking bugs = BONUS POINTS!! Crashed someone's computer? BONUS BONUS POINTS!!!
Step 6: Hog that RAM! Memory Leaks++! Feel free to load multiple entire giant bitmap, jpeg, and gif graphics fully into RAM for the duration of your game. Anyone that doesn't have 10 Terabytes of RAM doesn't deserve to play your game anyway.
Step 7: SpEl LyK tIs. AwL tXt N uR gMe ShUd B wRiT lYk TiS.
Step 8: Hit boxes for the player should be HUGE! We're talking entire football fields here. Enemy touches some area halfway across the screen? YOU DIE! Hit boxes for the enemy should be single pixels in non-obvious locations and should only function at random times.
Step 9: Level design is only a very minor suggestion. Feel free to ignore it completely. It's fine if the player walks on air, enemies walk through walls, player dies by jumping in air, or any other weirdness. If using stolen sprites, be sure they don't behave in any way a player might expect them to from their original games.
Step 10: Pixel perfect precision required of the player. Every single time. Be sure to sometimes penalize even if the player did it perfectly to keep them on their toes.
Suggestions: It'd be really cool to make another Pac-Man, Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog, Bejewelled, or Bust-a-Move/PuzzleBobble because surely there aren't enough of those. Make sure to distinguish your game using lazy AI, nonresponsive controls, unintuitive behavior, etc...
Genres we just can't get enough of! Feel free to make more games in these timeless classic genres!:
click-the-mouse-as-fast-as-you-can, dress-up, tower defense, launch/catapult, sliding puzzle, find-the-differences, generic maze, fast food worker sim, "dating" sim, trial-and-error-memorize-crap "hard" game
Following these steps you too can be on the road to making games we're all sure to loathe in no time!
Step 2: Steal those sprites! Why put work into graphics when you can just use Mario? Everyone likes Mario, right?
Step 3: Use generic stolen sound effects. The more grating, the better. If they don't even make sense in context, BONUS POINTS!
Step 4: Why put effort into music when you can just use pre-existing music? Bonus points if it's the same music everyone else uses. Bonus bonus points if it was never good in the first place. Bonus bonus bonus points for recordings of recordings!
Step 5: Don't finish your game. Release it unfinished! Game-breaking bugs = BONUS POINTS!! Crashed someone's computer? BONUS BONUS POINTS!!!
Step 6: Hog that RAM! Memory Leaks++! Feel free to load multiple entire giant bitmap, jpeg, and gif graphics fully into RAM for the duration of your game. Anyone that doesn't have 10 Terabytes of RAM doesn't deserve to play your game anyway.
Step 7: SpEl LyK tIs. AwL tXt N uR gMe ShUd B wRiT lYk TiS.
Step 8: Hit boxes for the player should be HUGE! We're talking entire football fields here. Enemy touches some area halfway across the screen? YOU DIE! Hit boxes for the enemy should be single pixels in non-obvious locations and should only function at random times.
Step 9: Level design is only a very minor suggestion. Feel free to ignore it completely. It's fine if the player walks on air, enemies walk through walls, player dies by jumping in air, or any other weirdness. If using stolen sprites, be sure they don't behave in any way a player might expect them to from their original games.
Step 10: Pixel perfect precision required of the player. Every single time. Be sure to sometimes penalize even if the player did it perfectly to keep them on their toes.
Suggestions: It'd be really cool to make another Pac-Man, Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog, Bejewelled, or Bust-a-Move/PuzzleBobble because surely there aren't enough of those. Make sure to distinguish your game using lazy AI, nonresponsive controls, unintuitive behavior, etc...
Genres we just can't get enough of! Feel free to make more games in these timeless classic genres!:
click-the-mouse-as-fast-as-you-can, dress-up, tower defense, launch/catapult, sliding puzzle, find-the-differences, generic maze, fast food worker sim, "dating" sim, trial-and-error-memorize-crap "hard" game
Following these steps you too can be on the road to making games we're all sure to loathe in no time!
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