a random thought
Posted on: June 14, 2017, at 02:15:14am

Whenever I come home from school, my head is crammed with things that happened when I was there. I live in my head a lot, but there I'm forced to be in the moment, at least more than I'd like. It takes a while for things to get sorted out. I think things are sorted out now.

Then I thought to myself that I was ready for the next thing, the next thing probably being my trip to China in like... two weeks now o.e and that being home will feel like I'm in an interim between two different stages of my life, those stages being the end of my junior year and my summer internship.

But then I got all philosophical like, "Isn't everything you're doing now just the interim before you're a legit productive member of society and living a stable life???" A lot of the things that will constitute my future life are unknown to me. I don't even know what I'm going to do the year after I graduate, for crying out loud. I have no idea which medical schools will accept me, or if any schools will accept me at all. Or maybe I'll make a last-minute snap decision and work straight out of college.

All of the connections I've made over the past three years won't mean anything once I graduate. The life that I now live will only exist in my memories. Maybe once every couple years I'll come back to college during reunions to meet up with old friends, maybe I won't. I don't know where I'm going to live or what I'll be up to or what problems I'm going to face or who my future friends will be.

It's weird. I'm about a quarter of the way through my life now, but it's like I have nothing sorted out. I thought this feeling would go away once I got into college, but I feel even more uncertain than I was before.

I guess this is a little weird to post on my FFR profile, but whatever ya know. I find myself thinking of the future way more than I used to. Maybe that's just me accepting that whatever life I live now is temporary and that I'm going to have to move on very, very soon.